You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
