We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
