I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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