Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
