from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The adults are the big ones right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
