she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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