Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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