I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how does that bad decision feel?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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