Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
