I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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