with your own penis?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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