i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
