I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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