i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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