I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
