We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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