He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
