Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
