I love black thongs
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
