My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
