Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
