May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
