I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
