The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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