Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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