I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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