I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
