New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
