drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
