I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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