I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
