So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
