I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
