I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
