She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
