i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
