my phone needs a breathalizer
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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