I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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