eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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