you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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