My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
