Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was born a porn star she said
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
