I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
