look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
