Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
