Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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