So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
In America we eat man semen.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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