My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am midnight drunk by noon
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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