I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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