You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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