Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
