Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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