Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
