I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
