Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
