The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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