The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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