sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
