Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
