What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
