You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
