M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
