I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
