He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
