Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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