Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
