You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
